I'm so glad you are documenting these stories. I fear there are many more still to come. It must be bloody grim to be a young lesbian nowadays. Strange to think the 90s may have been some kind of high point - we should have been more grateful.
Thanks Nic (and Julie). These are all difficult reads. This struck me: ‘“If you come out as a detransitioner in the LGBTQ community you’re seen as a traitor, it’s a very hostile environment. But letting right-wing pundits run your detransitioner story isn’t helping things either.”’
I’m impressed by your maturity and insight Nic, and resilience. I doubt I’d have had these insights at the same age. I’m glad you’re emerging from this and finding self-acceptance. Your comment about femininity being more repressive than ever was spot on - just extraordinary isn’t it? The lesbians in my community have to meet in secret. On the bright side, we’re (re)fighting an important battle at the front. At least we’re doing something. I hope you can find community Nic - there are lots of us around who see the problem and are there for women (and girls) like you.
In an environment where sex and gender are routinely being confused and conflated, it is not surprising that someone rejecting the gender role they have been socialised to perform may be confused into rejecting their sex / physical body. Hence the necessity to always retain clarity between sex and gender. Someone who is alienated by their gendered socialisation is not necessarily uncomfortable with their body. That the supposed health experts cannot distinguish between sex and gender is alarming, because they should have been asking questions like this to help Nic understand themselves better. The complicating factor is the homophobia discussed here, which makes it seem more socially acceptable for someone to be trans and straight than cis and queer.
A few weeks ago I met a middle-aged woman outside a Coles. She had a somewhat masculine-looking face but I didn't think anything of it. She asked me for $5 and I gave what change I had. We got chatting and out of the blue she said:
I need an operation
I'm sorry to hear that
I want to go back to being a woman
WHAT!! But you are one! (I cannot describe my astonishment at her revelation)
No When I was younger I had an op to be a man
Why do want to be a woman again?
Because it's more fun!!
We chatted a bit about her life and she acknowledged that what really motivated her, in the first place, was that she was gay
Hi Julie. I wonder if you had thought of doing these in audio form? A podcast or even just an audible version. Would make for a good listen on the commute. Possible sponsors/ads too. Just a thought :)
Nic, thank you for sharing your story. We need more lesbians who have been caught up in this to speak up. My daughter is gay and was trans-identified for a couple of years, then non-binary, now she's shifting back to being ok with female. She's gay and autistic and the harm that the trans-identification has done to her psyche is unbelieveable. I have written to the Qld gender clinic and the board of the children's hospital and all the related politicians. None of them care, they think it's the righ thing to do - they have no idea of the lack of science this field is based upon and the harms being done to our kids. Most of politicians speaking up seem to be doing so to bring to life a culture war, or they are treated as such by the mainstream media.
Nic, if you read this could I ask you to please write to your gender clinic and the board of your hospital and health minister? Even from an anonymous address. They need to start hearing these stories.
How did you approach this with your daughter - Did you try to be neutral? I have been pretty much told to shut up by my daughter from expressing doubts in even the mildest form. But I feel I am neglecting my duty as a parent if I don't pass on information about health effects. However...I have been sitting pretty silent whilst she screws her body with hormones - fearing that my disapproval will harden her resolve to go on with it. I so wish she would come back to reality.
Earlier I tried sharing some stories of detransitioners but she shut me down with "it's so rare" etc. The first thing we did when we became aware that all was not what it seemed (and I actually read the science and studies) was to block Tumblr. We pretended like it was some sort of issue with our ISP and after a little while she forgot.
We weren't allowed to talk about gender stuff. She's autistic and just shuts down/goes blank if you try to have discussions on anything she doesn't want to talk about. I did share how I identified as Otherkin as a teen and the kids laughed at me. I did (so embarrassing now!) but really it's the same sort of magical thinking that trans-identified kids are going through now. I'm special! I'm different! Must be because I was born in the wrong body! Or, in the case of Otherkin, we were either "reincarnated" from an elven/fae/dragon/etc body from another world, or there were also "walk-ins" that were otherworld beings who took over your body. We even used the word "awakening" to refer to the stage of becoming aware of your Otherkin status - now would be realising you were "always" trans.
When she got the autism diagnosis I thought it might help her see why she "feels different to other girls". But she isn't interested in learning about autism either.
Really, I don't know what made her come out of it. She's very isolated, homeschooling, refused to do pretty much anything for a couple of years. Burn out. At some point she got sick of social media like tiktok and stopped using all of them.
She might still get suckered back in when she eventually goes to uni or moves out or interacts with trans kids in real life. But for now she's shifted and we're grateful. Touching wood though as she still thinks of trans as some magical type person.
As a mum of a teenager nothing I ever say is right. So we have to just wait it out and hope that giving her space helps her sort it all out in her head. It's easier to give that space if your kid isn't currently medicalising though.
Thank you Julie - I hope you can continue to push the boundaries of what is “allowed “ to be talked about.
I'm so glad you are documenting these stories. I fear there are many more still to come. It must be bloody grim to be a young lesbian nowadays. Strange to think the 90s may have been some kind of high point - we should have been more grateful.
Thanks Nic (and Julie). These are all difficult reads. This struck me: ‘“If you come out as a detransitioner in the LGBTQ community you’re seen as a traitor, it’s a very hostile environment. But letting right-wing pundits run your detransitioner story isn’t helping things either.”’
I’m impressed by your maturity and insight Nic, and resilience. I doubt I’d have had these insights at the same age. I’m glad you’re emerging from this and finding self-acceptance. Your comment about femininity being more repressive than ever was spot on - just extraordinary isn’t it? The lesbians in my community have to meet in secret. On the bright side, we’re (re)fighting an important battle at the front. At least we’re doing something. I hope you can find community Nic - there are lots of us around who see the problem and are there for women (and girls) like you.
Thank you for bringing this reality to us Julie...and all praise to ‘Nic’ for allowing his story out to the world...great reporting
In an environment where sex and gender are routinely being confused and conflated, it is not surprising that someone rejecting the gender role they have been socialised to perform may be confused into rejecting their sex / physical body. Hence the necessity to always retain clarity between sex and gender. Someone who is alienated by their gendered socialisation is not necessarily uncomfortable with their body. That the supposed health experts cannot distinguish between sex and gender is alarming, because they should have been asking questions like this to help Nic understand themselves better. The complicating factor is the homophobia discussed here, which makes it seem more socially acceptable for someone to be trans and straight than cis and queer.
Although not directly related to this piece, I wanted to draw your attention (Julie and her subscribers) to this excellent piece by Fiona McAnena on the damage being caused to female sport by the trans lobby groups. https://www.spiked-online.com/2023/12/14/the-trans-colonisation-of-womens-sports/?utm_source=Today%20on%20spiked&utm_campaign=5126c8607f-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2023_12_14_05_18&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_-5126c8607f-%5BLIST_EMAIL_ID%5D
A few weeks ago I met a middle-aged woman outside a Coles. She had a somewhat masculine-looking face but I didn't think anything of it. She asked me for $5 and I gave what change I had. We got chatting and out of the blue she said:
I need an operation
I'm sorry to hear that
I want to go back to being a woman
WHAT!! But you are one! (I cannot describe my astonishment at her revelation)
No When I was younger I had an op to be a man
Why do want to be a woman again?
Because it's more fun!!
We chatted a bit about her life and she acknowledged that what really motivated her, in the first place, was that she was gay
Hi Julie. I wonder if you had thought of doing these in audio form? A podcast or even just an audible version. Would make for a good listen on the commute. Possible sponsors/ads too. Just a thought :)
Nic, thank you for sharing your story. We need more lesbians who have been caught up in this to speak up. My daughter is gay and was trans-identified for a couple of years, then non-binary, now she's shifting back to being ok with female. She's gay and autistic and the harm that the trans-identification has done to her psyche is unbelieveable. I have written to the Qld gender clinic and the board of the children's hospital and all the related politicians. None of them care, they think it's the righ thing to do - they have no idea of the lack of science this field is based upon and the harms being done to our kids. Most of politicians speaking up seem to be doing so to bring to life a culture war, or they are treated as such by the mainstream media.
Nic, if you read this could I ask you to please write to your gender clinic and the board of your hospital and health minister? Even from an anonymous address. They need to start hearing these stories.
How did you approach this with your daughter - Did you try to be neutral? I have been pretty much told to shut up by my daughter from expressing doubts in even the mildest form. But I feel I am neglecting my duty as a parent if I don't pass on information about health effects. However...I have been sitting pretty silent whilst she screws her body with hormones - fearing that my disapproval will harden her resolve to go on with it. I so wish she would come back to reality.
Earlier I tried sharing some stories of detransitioners but she shut me down with "it's so rare" etc. The first thing we did when we became aware that all was not what it seemed (and I actually read the science and studies) was to block Tumblr. We pretended like it was some sort of issue with our ISP and after a little while she forgot.
We weren't allowed to talk about gender stuff. She's autistic and just shuts down/goes blank if you try to have discussions on anything she doesn't want to talk about. I did share how I identified as Otherkin as a teen and the kids laughed at me. I did (so embarrassing now!) but really it's the same sort of magical thinking that trans-identified kids are going through now. I'm special! I'm different! Must be because I was born in the wrong body! Or, in the case of Otherkin, we were either "reincarnated" from an elven/fae/dragon/etc body from another world, or there were also "walk-ins" that were otherworld beings who took over your body. We even used the word "awakening" to refer to the stage of becoming aware of your Otherkin status - now would be realising you were "always" trans.
When she got the autism diagnosis I thought it might help her see why she "feels different to other girls". But she isn't interested in learning about autism either.
Really, I don't know what made her come out of it. She's very isolated, homeschooling, refused to do pretty much anything for a couple of years. Burn out. At some point she got sick of social media like tiktok and stopped using all of them.
She might still get suckered back in when she eventually goes to uni or moves out or interacts with trans kids in real life. But for now she's shifted and we're grateful. Touching wood though as she still thinks of trans as some magical type person.
As a mum of a teenager nothing I ever say is right. So we have to just wait it out and hope that giving her space helps her sort it all out in her head. It's easier to give that space if your kid isn't currently medicalising though.